キタ━━━(゚∀゚)━━━!!! (sakurachirari) wrote in majidesuka,
キタ━━━(゚∀゚)━━━!!!
sakurachirari
majidesuka

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026.

prose.
this is a work of fiction. kind of.


There was a certain crisp in the air, the day I met you. That morning's forecast told it would rain, and I brought an umbrella. What it failed to tell me, was that love was in the air, as well. Your first words to me were positive. "I hope it'll let up soon. I wouldn't want this to last too long." But as the minutes turned into tens, into an hour and a half- you told me: "Strange, I'm starting to think it wouldn't be bad if it stayed raining like this forever."

You walked me to the bus stop when the weather finally got better. You got on the bus with me and sat by my side. I found out you lived near, about ten minutes away. I could see in your eyes, at that time, the light from the lamp posts outside reflected. I thought you were glittering, glowing. I thought that was something special. Looking back, they were just lights. Nothing more than that.

---

Do you know how waking up feels like when you're really tired? One moment, you swear just blinking. The next time you open your eyes, it's morning. That was how it felt like with you. Everything went by so fast, and you took so much of me in that short span of time that I forgot to keep some to myself. There were far more times I spent with you that I basked in happiness. I can't remember feeling depressed or mad at you for too long. You were wonderful to me, brought out my widest smile and warmed my cheeks to the reddest hues. I truly felt like I had it-- what other people could only dream of in their life. I thought that I was so happy that nothing else could come close. And I believed, as well, that you thought and felt the same as I did.

That was why it came as a shock, and confused me to no end- the day you left me.

---

It was strange. Nothing seemed out of place. It was as if you existed at one point in my life and suddenly disappeared right after. The person I kept on seeing- he looked like you, laughed like you, had the same smile, same walk and hair as you.. but he wasn't you. I was seeing a bodysnatcher. God took your shed-off skin and placed another person in it. I cried so many times, that I actually started to like bawling and sobbing. It was as if I was releasing all the happiness left in me and exchanging it for the sadness and anger that I had failed to feel with you. My swollen eyes were medals. My sulky disposition, my weight loss- they were my trophies.

You had completely wrecked and ruined me. That was your victory.

---

It hit me with great intensity. The impact, the aftershocks were so intense that I couldn't learn to feel properly several days, weeks, a month after. It was also because of that, that I learned many things. Things like I could never have you back (because you were never mine anyway), things like I shouldn't cry over you anymore (because you didn't even care), and I should stop loving you (because you never loved me back, at all, anyway.)

When I found love again, I had doubts because of you. I fenced a high cement wall of defense against future invaders. I dreaded the void heartbreak left me with. The last thing I learned because of you, was that not all people are like you. You are just one person, a completely different individual from me. I did not know you well, but I gave you and trusted you with everything. That was my mistake.

So, with reservations and misgivings abandoned, I dipped my foot into the deep pool of trial once again. This time, hopefully, I could learn to swim without drowning alone.

---

The last words you said to me were "I have to leave now," leaving me alone to deal with the mess that you left. I picked up the pieces of my heart that kept on breaking. You said you were going home, but went back to school to hang out and chat with your friends, feeling set free and without constraints.

That night, you flew into the night sky and made off to the stars. I chained myself to the ground and tried to swim up when the world was flooding.

Tags: kaartehan, the pain with no name
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